Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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