thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
