jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
