Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
