Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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