i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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