Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
