I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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