thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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