My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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