sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
