I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
