Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
