if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
