Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
