whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
