How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
