...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
