The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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