Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
