this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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