so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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