How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She bit a glass in half.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
