fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
