This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my shit smells like andre
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
