woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
