I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do herpes really smell.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
