It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
