he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
