we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
