I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
