just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
