he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
