I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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