Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
