This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
