Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
