My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
