shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
