I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
is it fun? or sober?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
