I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
