So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
