Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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