My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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