i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Of course I have a pirate flag
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
