P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
