FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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