U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
