your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
