If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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